


Why am I not enough ?

by ArrianaJaegerAckerman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, but be aware that it's a possibility, don"t wanna spoil it, eren and levi are a couple, eren is sick and an idiot, i guess, levi is hoplessly in love, might contain a major death character, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 08:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12272403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArrianaJaegerAckerman/pseuds/ArrianaJaegerAckerman
Summary: Levi can't understand Eren's choice. One last time he try to convince him to stay and fight for his life. But will Eren listen ?





	Why am I not enough ?

**Author's Note:**

> So I got this idea this evening of a little angst ereri drabble, and here this thing happens. For some reasons I thought writing it in english instead of my usual french would be a good idea, and also thought why not publish it on tumblr and ao3? So here it is read it and enjoy

"Why am I not enough ?”

Levi voice is fill with anger makes Eren shiver. But there is more than anger has he says those words. Fear, confusion, sadness, and above all despair that makes Eren’s heart squeeze in his chest,

“Why am I not enough for you ?”

He asks again, locking their eyes together. Eren’s air escapes his lungs, as he loses himself in those piercing silver eyes, full of questions and regrets.

“Why am I not enough for you to stay?”

Eren feels like his body has turn to stone, every inch of himslef seems to be heavier, he can’t move, he can’t talk, he can’t avert his gaze. It’s not the first time they had this fight, but it certainly will be the last. Levi moves closer, kneeling next to him, and resting his forearm on his lap.

“Why are we not enough ?”

It’s more than what Eren can handle. He swallows hardly, holding back his tears, and turns his face away, as he wispers :

“You know why…”

“No, I don’t. I need you to tell me why.”

Eren clenches his teeth hardly. That’s a lie, he knows that. They’ve already talked about that, he already explained him why. It’s not their first fight about this, but it will certainly be the last… But even as he knows that, he still he forces himself to answer.

“I can’t bare to lose who I am. I don’t want this, I don’t want to become this way”

“So what ? You’re giving up ?”

Anger flashes across Eren eyes, but disapper almost intantly as he reply.

“Yes. I’m tired. Maybe that makes me a coward, but I don’t care. I had enough of this.”

“So you’re gonna let the illness won ? Let it took you away from me ?”

Eren laughs darkly, making Levi shiver.

“Don’t you understand ? It’s already over, it has always been. There is no giving up, because there is nothing left to fight for”

“You’re wrong. There is us. You can fight for us.”

“I’m doing this for us”

Levi’s eyes widen as he hisses angrily.

“How could you say that ? How you could you, choosing to die, could be for us ?”

“Because I can’t ruin your life this way! What do you think our futur will be ? It was already difficult when it was only my legs… But in a few weeks, my arms, my chest, even my mouth will be paralyze. I wouldn’t be able to talk or breathe anymore. I will need a life support. I will be a burden and I refuse to be yours”

“I don’t care about all of that. I don’t care if I have to give up my job to take care of you. I don’t care if you can’t walk, I don’t care if you can’t drive or if I had to carry you to the bathroom at 5am everyday! I don’t care if I have to be by your side every minutes for the rest of my life! I don’t care as long as we are together”

“I can’t let you do that. I can’t let you throw away your life for me.”

“You are my life Eren, I love you and I’m willing to do anythig for you”

That’s too much for Eren, he can’t hold back his tears anymore and lets them flow on his face.Why can’t he understand? Why does he have to make it harder? He’s still crying as he screams with the strenght of disaspear :

“But that doesn’t matter ! I wish it does, I wish our love was enough but it isn’t ! Even if I try, even if I stay, I will die anyway. You will lose me, and I will lose you. So why wait ? Why should I let the disease kill me instead of choosing how I will die ? What will be the point ? Why will a few weeks will make any difference ?”

“You don’t know if it will be weeks. It might be months, or years ! Don’t you see that it could make all the difference ? I can’t lose you, not yet”

“maybe never.” He adds after a tense silence.

“Please don’t ask me to do that…”

His voice still hoarse from crying, cames out as a broken whisper.

“I am asking you to do that. I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s unfair, and yet I’m asking. It’s probably selfish, but I don’t care. If it what it takes to have more time with you then so be it”

Levi brings their forhead together and whispers softly, like a prayer.

“Please, stay”

Eren sobbs even more, feeling overwhelming by his own love, as he hears Levi begging him. How could he says no, when he can feel his love through those words ? How could he refueses, when he don’t want to ? He barely have the strenght to do it before, and now he can’t bring himself to find his determination back. So he nods, agreeing without a word.

They stay like that for what feels like hours, but is only minutes. Holding each other, tasting each other lips, breath, skin. Wispering promesses in the dark, and soft “I love you”

Eventually Eren breaks their embrace and says.

“I need a drink”

Levi heads to the kitchen but Eren stops him.

“Please, let me do it while I still can”

Pain flashes accross Levi’s face, but he understood and reply :

“Ok, I’ll wait you in bed”

Eren smile softly before turning back in his wheelchair. He makes black tea for two, adding three teaspoons of what could be sugar in Levi’s cup. He lets it infuse a few minutes before joining Levi’s in their bedroom. They drink the hot brevage together, enjoying the way it’s warm their bodies before laying down together.

Eren lets Levi’s hold him, and watch him as he closes his eyes. As he feels the body againt him relax, he know it’s only a matter of seconds now before sleeping pill made their job. He do not waste time and rolls on the other side before he changes his mind, before his resolution flickers and pick up his phone.

Armin answers immediatly, probably not expecting to get a call from this ID anymore.

“Eren ?”

His voice is uncertain, as if he couldn’t believe it was really him.

“Yes. Armin can you bring me to the hospital ?”

“But… I though Levi was the one-”

He interrupts himself, as he slowly understood.

“Eren you can’t do that. You can’t leave him this way…”

“He didn’t leave me the choice” He saids firmly.

“Please Armin, just come and pick me.”

“Ok. I’ll be there in a few minutes”

He thanks him and hangs up. He knows he should move, getting ready before Armin arrives but instead he rolls back to Levi’s side.

He looks at him closely. Looking at how his black hairs fall on his eyes, how even with his eyes closed his eybrows are still frown. Trying to memorise every line and every curve of this perfect face. He moves closer to his ears and whisper

“I love you”

He bring their lips together, tasting him one last time, letting a single tear roll from his eyes, before pulling appart. Unable to said the words that linger on his lips.

I’m sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to hit the kuddo button and leave a comment if you enjoy this ^^


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